


Alterations

by ReaderJane



Category: Stephanie Plum - Evanovich
Genre: Gen, Unmentionables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-16
Updated: 2009-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderJane/pseuds/ReaderJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something's weird about the new dress shop at the mall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alterations

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: it's all Janet's

  
**Alterations**   
_a Plum fanfic by ReaderJane  
Disclaimer: it's all Janet's_

I held the black dress to my chin, then switched back to the blue again. I had a hanger in each hand and half a dozen other dresses draped over the rack beside the three-way mirror. The mall's fluorescent lighting could play tricks with colors, but I was pretty sure the blue dress would make my blue eyes look bigger. Problem was, it was about two sizes too small. The black would fit. Black is slimming, right? Maybe I could find a blue pendant and some earrings.

I stretched my neck to look for Joe, waiting on the bench beside the escalator. He looked bored. I needed to make up my mind soon if I was going to coax him through more stops for jewelry and shoes. Joe's cousin Leo was getting married on Saturday, and Joe's mother had laid down the law. She wanted Joe at the wedding, with a date.

"How's it coming?" a breathy voice came from behind me. It was the store clerk, a young man with a purple shirt and crooked teeth.

"Do you have this one in the next size?" I held the blue out to him. Probably I'd need the next size up from that, but I wasn't going there until I had to.

"We always have your size. That's the name of the game: Alterations." He smiled brightly.

"You mean you can let it out?" I picked up the hem of the dress and turned it inside-out to look at the seam. "It doesn't look like you've got much to work with." I sneaked another glance at Joe. He was leaning on the railing, watching the crowd down on the first floor.

The clerk laughed. "Not the dress, honey. Here at Alterations, we can make you fit any look you like."

I wrinkled my nose. A guy in a leather jacket and chains walked past the store. Joe's cop's eyes evaluated the man as he passed, expressionless. The guy passed the doorway and Joe watched him as he disappeared from sight.

"That's quite the hottie you've got there," the clerk said appreciatively. "I bet you'd do a lot to keep hold of him."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you have this dress in my size or not?"

The clerk leaned toward me and whispered conspiratorially. "What size do you want to be?" He nodded toward Joe, who was back to facing the railing. I could see Joe's face reflected in the glass of the store opposite. "I bet he'd like something in a size five... with a C cup. Responsible soccer mom by day, hot lover by night?" I saw a woman, mirrored in the glass, push a stroller up to Joe and stop just short of the doorway. Her hair was curly and dark. She slid a hand possessively down Joe's arm.

I bristled. I thrust the black dress at the clerk and marched to the hallway to ask that hussy who she thought she was.

Joe was alone. He sighed impatiently and checked his watch.

I looked back in the glass across the hall. The woman reflected there lifted a small boy out of the stroller, stood him next to Joe, then handed him a sippy cup. She flipped the front seat forward and reached into the back for the infant that was fussing there. Mirror-Joe absently took the cup from the boy and wiped the boy's mouth, then wiped his hand on his jeans.

My head whipped back to glare at the clerk. "What is this? Who are you?"

He smiled, his snaggly teeth marring his otherwise spotless appearance. "I'm the relationship fairy." He waved a hand loosely through the air, bringing it to rest on his hip.

I looked back and forth a few more times from the real Joe, solitary at the railing, to the young family in the glass. Above my head a neon sign blinked purple, red and green. Alterations. While. You. Wait.

"And you want to change me into that?"

"Oh, no, honey," the clerk breathed. "It's all about what you want. You want to hang on to that handsome cop, don't you? I can make you the kind of woman he's hoping for. Hot, sexy... but responsible. It wouldn't be so bad if you liked staying home with the kids, would it?"

I blinked. "Would I be able to cook?"

"Better than his mother," the clerk gushed.

I sucked in a breath. "This sounds like brainwashing. And what are you talking about, the relationship fairy? I don't believe in fairies."

The clerk waggled a finger at me. "Every relationship requires sacrifices. People have to adjust to each other, make allowances. All I'm offering is a shortcut. Why spend years frustrated with each other's shortcomings when you can be the person he wants in an afternoon?"

Before I could open my mouth to tell him off, I saw Joe's head snap up. Heavy feet were pounding down the hall from the right. The man in the leather jacket ran back the way he'd come, chains jingling with each stride.

The Joe in the mirror scooped up his son and pushed him toward mirror-me while the real Joe reached for the small of his back. Then both of them relaxed at the same time.

A dozen steps behind Leatherman, Ranger and Tank hustled past the doorway. Tank took a right where the hallway opened out into the mall's center, angling to flank the fleeing FTA.

The clerk sighed. "Now there's one I wouldn't mind changing for. Such a pity." He slid his eyes to me. "I could cut you a deal. Special price, one day only. You wouldn't have to change much to satisfy that one. Remember to keep your stun gun charged, call for help when you need it. What do you say? I'll even take the cop off your hands. Make him forget he ever met you." He smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"I say you're a nut," I spat. "Make Joe forget he met me? What kind of a good fairy are you?"

The clerk's grin widened. His teeth looked sharper than before. "I never said I was a good fairy."

I felt the blood drain from my face. Then it rushed back, my cheeks flushing. I wrapped my hand around the clerk's bony arm and hauled him toward the front of the store. He tried to dig in his heels, but I outweighed him. Hangers clacked on their racks and notions went flying as I dragged Snaggletooth into the mall.

"Call a squad car, Joe. This guy needs a trip to the psych ward at St. Francis."

Joe wasn't listening. The clerk's eyes rolled back; he started muttering under his breath. The neon sign above the door sputtered, then showered sparks across the doorway. I fisted my hand in the clerk's purple shirt and reached out to shake Joe's shoulder, but my hand went right through him. I gasped.

In the storefront glass across the hall I could see myself and the clerk, covered in bright green, red and purple sparks like confetti. The curly-haired mom and her children were gone. Joe shook his head and checked his watch once more, then headed for the escalator.

The clerk sniggered. I swung around, still hanging onto his shirt, and brought my knee up to his groin. His eyes squeezed shut in pain. When they opened they glowed red. I dropped my grip as he snarled, baring his crooked teeth in rage.

Then something hit us and we both went ass over elbows.

"Ouch," I moaned as I rolled and sat up on the tile floor. I scooped my curls out of my eyes. The neon sign had stopped sparking.

"Nice assist, Sunshine." Diesel smiled at me from where he crouched over the unconscious clerk. He pressed two fingers to the clerk's neck, then peeled back an eyelid and nodded in satisfaction. "I've been chasing this one for awhile."

"You're welcome." I felt my head for lumps. "Is he really a fairy?"

Diesel snorted. "Nah. Fairies have a lot better glamour. This guy looks like he needs serious orthodontia."

"Am I back in the real world now? Not lost through the looking-glass?"

"You're fine." Diesel ruffled my hair. He got to his feet, then hefted the clerk's unconscious body over his shoulder. "In fact, Sunshine, you're damn near perfect. Don't ever change." He reached up to the top of the store doorway and hauled down a security grate. The metal fence unrolled until it clanked on the floor. The lights went out in Alterations. Diesel extended his free hand to help me up.

I brushed myself off. "I'll change if I want to," I said, starting to feel cranky. I'd had a near-brush with Stepford, and I still didn't have a dress for Leo's wedding.

Diesel sobered. He looked me in the eye. "I know you will," he replied. Then he hitched the relationship fairy more securely onto his shoulder and turned toward a door marked Employees Only.

I squared my shoulders and headed for Macy's.  
  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Relationship Fairy challenge


End file.
